Questions and Consequences

Used something similar at the table to catch a new player up to where the rest of the PCs were in a DCC Funnel (mine go long and take a few sessions to get through). It’s an abstract of the sort of wildly unbalanced but flavorful hijinx the level-0s can get up to. The DM asks the question, and the PCs decide among themselves which one of their characters does it. Then the DM reads the consequence. A lot of these might be hooks the DM can use moving forward.

There are over 50 questions and each question has at least 4 consequences; for some, a given consequence leads to a sub-table with 4 other results.

Questions and Consequences
[main]

1,'''Who [question]
 * main

1,?'''

1,accepted the strange parcel delivered by a blind courier[‽][parcel] 1,ate the weird looking mushroom[‽][mushroom]. 1,befriended the drunk old man[‽][drunk]. 1,bought raffle tickets from the [Secret Society Name.main][‽][raffle] 1,bravely climbed down the stairs into complete darkness[‽][downstairs] 1,bravely waded into the babbling stream first[‽][stream]. 1,broke the clay pot and read the scroll inside[‽][scroll]. 1,caught the nymph’s eye first[‽][nymph]. 1,climbed to the top of the World Tree to scout out the area[‽][tree]. 1,climbed up the floating stone stairs that led into the clouds[‽][upstairs]. 1,confronted the belligerent muscleman on the beach one on one[‽][muscle] 1,crawled through the narrow secret passageway first[‽][passage] 1,decided to keep the weird egg instead of smashing it[‽][egg] 1,drank from the [Color.all] pool[‽][pool]. 1,drank the [Color.all] wine from the brass goblet found on the feast table with all the spoiled food in the deep woods[‽][wine]. 1,drunkenly accepted [Arabesque Names.main] the Sword Swallower’s challenge at the Saint [Catholic Saint Names.main]’s Day carnival[‽][swordswallower] 1,dug up the lonely grave by the roadside[‽][grave]. 1,eavesdropped at the locked door in the sand fortress[‽][heard]. 1,entered the Chamber of Cats bearing gifts[‽][cats]. 1,entered the fortune teller’s tent at the Saint [Catholic Saint Names.main]’s Day carnival[‽][fortuneteller]. 1,entered the witch’s hut[‽][witch] 1,fell off the Bridge of Pretzels[‽][bridge]. 1,gave the tired beggar all of their coin[‽][beggar]. 1,gazed a little too long in the magician’s mirror[‽][mirror]. 1,got carried into the hive of the [Utility.MetalDecor] ants[‽][hive]. 1,got into a riddle contest with the [Quick NPC.adjective] halfling[‽][halfling]. 1,got their face painted at the Saint [Catholic Saint Names.main]’s Day carnival[‽][facepaint]. 1,got to shelter last when the storm came[‽][storm]. 1,grabbed one of the fallen heads from the Tree of Severed Heads[‽]The head speaks one word that is important to your future: [head]. Then it [hed2]. 1,helped the wandering merchant down on his luck[‽][merchant]. 1,investigated the noises coming from inside the children in the village of [Fantasy Town Names.main][‽][noises]. 1,kissed the sleeping maiden in the glass coffin[‽][maidenkiss]. 1,kissed the stuffed [Animal.ordinaryanimal] at the tavern for luck[‽][animalkiss]. 1,led the way into Cynossema, the Bitch’s Tomb[‽][cynossema]. 1,lingered in the forest of giant snowmen, admiring their beauty[‽][snowmen]. 1,looked behind [Painting.main] found in the abandoned watchtower[‽][painting]. 1,looked inside the pig’s backpack[‽][pig]. 1,looked under the loose stone in the bandit’s tower[‽][bandit]. 1,opened one of the cages at the abandoned zoo with all the animal skeletons[‽][undeadzoo] 1,opened the box with the ominous thumps coming from it[‽][thumpbox]. 1,opened the chest marked “Open Only in Emergency” when it clearly wasn’t an emergency[‽][emergency]. 1,opened the ornate stone coffin[‽][coffin] 1,ordered [Brewnames.main] at the tavern despite being warned not to[‽][drink]. 1,plucked a fruit from the Tree of [List of gods.real][‽][fruit]. 1,poked around the ranger’s campsite while he was off hunting[‽][ranger]. 1,prayed before the humble altar of Tito and Flek[‽][pray]. 1,pulled the arrow from the dead lion[‽][arrow] 1,pulled the bucket up from the lonely well in the abandoned village[‽][well]. 1,pulled the lever in the third chamber of the [Dungeon Area Name.main][‽][lever] 1,put on the creepy [Color.all] mask you found washed up on the shore[‽][mask]. 1,rang the wagon sized bronze bell[‽][bell]. 1,reached their hand into the dark hole[‽][hole] 1,read the faded epitaph on the neglected gravestone[‽][epitaph]. 1,read the faded journal you found in the burnt skeleton’s knapsack[‽][journal] 1,rooted through the humongous bird’s nest[‽][nest]. 1,sneaked out of their room in the Tower to play Truth or Dare with the sorcerer’s daughter and her friends[‽][truthordare]. 1,stepped into the strange [Color.all] fire in the Temple of [List of gods.real][‽][fire]. 1,threw a rock at the stained glass window depicting [Quick NPC.main][‽][stainedglass]. 1,took a mystery ride in the magical one person elevator beneath the ruined castle[‽][elevator] 1,took some of that kooky druid’s herbal remedy with them[‽][herb]. 1,took the road less traveled by[‽][road]. 1,touched the glowing pink meteor[‽][meteor]. 1,touched the statue of [SpiritForm.main][‽][statue]. 1,tried the alchemist’s experimental power potion[‽][powerpotion]. 1,walked through the mysterious mist-shrouded arch[‽][arch]. 1,went behind the waterfall[‽][waterfall]. 1,went for a dip in the Lake of Dreams[‽][lake]. 1,woke the sleeping giant[‽][giant].
 * question

1,You found [backpackcontent] 1,The pig didn’t like that, you were trampled for [Dice.1d4] damage and the pig ran off 1,The backpack was empty, but the pig liked you and follows you around now 1,The backpack was full of [Dice.1d100] golden teeth
 * pig

1,a duck 1,a recorked bottle of wine 1, 1,[Dice.2d3] random potions, all of the same type, each in [bottletype]
 * backpackcontent

1,You got your ass kicked and he took your most valuable item. 1,You got a broken nose and lost your front teeth, but you should see the other guy! 1,You kicked his ass and took his coin pouch of [Dice.2d6] gold coins. 1,You arm-wrestled a god in disguise and held your own. Your muscles bulge, gain +1 strength.
 * muscle

1,You grow gills, weird 1,Otherworldly energy courses through you! Random stat increases by 1 1,You’re now a cat. Meow 1,The statue comes to life, and you become a statue. You can play as the former statue, if it makes any sense
 * statue

1,The dirty old man gives you a deck of erotic tarot cards 1,Quite a potent drink you shared. You’re an alcoholic now 1,He gives you his trusty knife, “Lucille” 1,Drunk as a skunk, you drift off into an alley … a rat bites you and you die
 * drunk

1,She loves you. You’ll need to spend the rest of your life with her (or until she gets bored of you) 1,She likes your face and gives you a kiss. [nymphkiss] 1,She gives you a lock of her hair 1,Something about you pisses her off. She curses you—lose a point in a random attribute
 * nymph

1,What a kiss! Your confidence increases by 1 1,You take on a more wooden appearance. Confidence -1, but AC +1 1,You gained a boon! Kiss any tree and you will summon this wood nymph who will try to help you 1,Turns out you’re a bad kisser, and she kisses and tells. Trees and flowers snicker when you walk by from now on
 * nymphkiss

1,What a shame, leeches got you 1,You trip over a statuette of [SpiritForm.main] made from [Utility.HornIvory] 1,The fierce water washes you downstream, stealing everything but your clothes 1,You find an old coin with a queen on it
 * stream

1,You found a golden bow and a red quiver with [Dice.2d4] extra sharp arrows 1,You found an angry wolverine. Take [Dice.1d4] damage 1,You accidentally set his tent on fire. Whoops! Hope he doesn’t have any class skills he can use to track you down 1,He comes back and gives you some [Animal.ordinaryanimal] meat for the road
 * ranger

1,You find a pouch with [Dice.1d20] gold coins in a hole behind the painting 1,What trap killed you? [trap] 1,You find a map of a dungeon (DM IOU) crammed into a cubbyhole behind the painting 1,You find [bottletype] in a hole behind the painting
 * painting

1,it contains a will from a distant relative, entitling you to [Dice.1d100] gold, and their prized [Jewelry.StartWearableOnly] 1,it is a summons to jury duty 1,unwrapping the paper, you find a box, inside the box, [Scroll.Main] 1,it is a signed copy of [FantasyBooks.GeneralBook]
 * parcel

1,Crossbow bolt to the face. Ouch! 1,Triggered fireball that melts your face away. 1,Mechanical snake sinks fangs into your neck. 1,Floor opens beneath and you plummet into darkness.
 * trap

1,A haberdasher! He rewards you with a very fine looking hat 1,A scam artist, he leaves you with nothing 1,He rewards you with something fine: 1,He tells you about a secret passage in a nearby castle
 * merchant

1,Bad news, you’re a time shadow now that haunts the future 1,You’re gone forever, but someone else appears. Roll an entirely new character; your occupation is spaceman and you have a ray gun 1,The greasy surface rubs off on your skin. Your hands now glow faintly in the dark 1,You chip off a piece and have a glowing pink chunk of meteor
 * meteor

1,An angry skeleton did NOT attack you; you found an old journal detailing a nearby village’s population 50 years ago 1,The grave is empty, but in the coffin you found clumps of blue soil 1,Someone beat you to it—no, wait, someone beat you. To death. The zombie you unleashed laughs and then starts burying himself again 1,Only a skull remains. [skull]
 * grave

1,A wiseass talking skull, you know the sort 1,Strange, the skull appears kind of lumpy. Looks like some bone termites are hibernating in the skull 1,Definitely not a human skull, looks like it came from except bigger 1,A blue crystal skull, must be worth a fortune!
 * skull

1,Trudging down and ever deeper, squinting against the dark, you eventually reach the bottom. Nothing down there, but you can now see in the dark. 1,The darkness swallows you whole. 1,Who left this locked puzzle box here for you to trip over? 1,You appear at the top of the steps after some time, with no memory of what was down there, but changed. Reroll a random stat.
 * downstairs

1,You thought you were good enough to get to Heaven? You’ll be climbing those stairs for eternity 1,A friendly cloud genie grants you a wish 1,A sword sticking out of a cloud winds up in your possession. Hope nobody misses it … 1,You step out onto a cloud and promptly fall through. Luckily, a sky sprite whispered to you how to fall gently to earth and resist gravity
 * upstairs

1,Lucky you, turns out it was solid gold! 1,Watch out, mama might come looking for it … 1,It hatches and thousands of spiders scramble out, covering you with deadly love bites. 1,Starts to smell terrible, but you find yourself unable to get rid of it.
 * egg

1,Uh oh, she kissed you! [witchkiss] 1,Nobody’s home, so you swipe a glowing [Color.all] orb. 1,You pocket a random potion in [bottletype]. 1,The witch’s curse shrinks you to 1/2 your current size.
 * witch

1,This witch is OG. Now you are a slimy little toad! 1,She’s such a good kisser, she stretches out your tongue. It’s now twice as long. 1,You never asked for this, but now that you’re here, it’s pretty good. Luck increases by [Dice.1d6]. 1,Having been kissed by a witch, your soul can never be raised from the dead. Hope it was worth it.
 * witchkiss

1,Schooled by his impossibly clever riddles, you end up losing your shirt to him, literally 1,You get destroyed, but learn an awesome riddle that’ll almost certainly stump someone in the future 1,This halfling sucks at riddles. You best him easily and he gives you his lucky rabbit’s foot 1,A sore loser, the halfling throws a stinky balloon at you before taking off. You attract monsters now
 * halfling

1,Did you think this would end well? The aptly named Destroying Angel mushroom destroys you 1,The spores seep into your system. Now you leave a faint but visible trail of spores wherever you go 1,You’re a real fun guy! Your confidence increases by [Dice.1d6] 1,Ugh, you throw up a strange key
 * mushroom

1,You find a ball’s worth of wire-thin silver woven into the bottom of the nest 1,A giant black bird comes back and devours you like the worm you are 1,3 birds the size of hyenas sleep over the remains of a dude. You grab the guy’s severed hand which has a ring on it: ring [Jewelry.Predicate] 1,A strange crystal skeleton of a bird is in the bottom of the nest. While you possess it, you can speak to birds
 * nest

1,A staircase in the coffin leads down to. 1,You find 7 skeletal infants with 7 infant sized capes. Take one if you want to. 1,This dead dwarf smells terrible, but his plate armor looks to be in good shape. 1,You find a very convincing wolfman costume that’s just your size!
 * coffin

1,A genie appears and you must grant him a wish. His wish is that you die, by his hand 1,Not only do you not know for whom the bell tolls, you can’t even hear it tolling any more. You’re deaf now 1,The loud vibrations crumble a nearby wall, revealing [Found in a crate.main] 1,You freed a bell spirit! He gives you a little bell to ring to summon him sometime in the future if you need help
 * bell

1,Falling in, you discover something interesting at the bottom: [Interesting Magic Items.main] 1,One sip leaves you ripped! Increase your strength by 1 1,Delicious water that turns to acid when it blends with saliva. You’re probably dead 1,A water fairy likes the way you swallow; she gives you [Armor.main]
 * pool

1,It’s a banana! Peel slowly and see! [banana] 1,It’s an apple! Eating this apple means you’ll never die by non-violent means (like most player characters) 1,It’s a coconut! Maybe that’s not a fruit, I dunno, but its bitter milk is divine. Raise all your stats by 1 1,Delroco, the thousand-eyed guardian of the Tree, notices you. If you had a wish, you’d wish he did not
 * fruit

1,The banana is solid gold under the peel. 1,When your tongue touches the stolen fruit, you feel yourself transforming into a damn dirty ape. 1,The banana is ordinary, but the peel is divinely perfect for a prank! 1,What you thought was the banana’s peel was actually the sleeping bag of a super-intelligent slug named Pluto. He’ll hang with you for awhile.
 * banana

1,[Demon Name.Main] 1,forgive 1,Highshaws 1,velleity
 * head

1,crumbles to dust 1,laughs until its laughter turns to sobs, and it expires 1,shrinks into nothingness 1,slowly shrivels
 * hed2

1,Your soul burns to a crisp. You count as undead now 1,You burn to a crisp, but all of your equipment is now fire-proof 1,You suffer hideous burns, but no actual damage. Gain the nickname “Died in a Fire” 1,The fire goes out, and you find yourself standing in a puddle of magical quicksilver, enough to fill a waterskin
 * fire

1,You haul up some rainbow-colored water 1,An opalescent stone sits in the bottom of the bucket. Your dreams will be beautiful and vivid as long as you possess it 1,[Dice.1d100] old copper coins are in the bucket. These are wishes that never came true 1,In the bucket you found
 * well

1,You find a small leather pouch. [pouch] 1,You find a wickedly pointy stiletto with a stylized skull for a pommel 1,You find an old treasure map on faded vellum (DM IOU) 1,You find a list of crossed off names, with only two left: [Demon Name.Main] the [Quick NPC.adjective] and [Fantasy Names.main]
 * bandit

1,Inside are 6 of what appear to be wedding rings, of various styles and ages 1,You found the good stuff! [Dice.1d100] gold coins are in the pouch 1,Inside the pouch is literal shit. Sorry, man 1,Pouch is empty; DM knows that this is actually a living creature who eats coins
 * pouch

1,Sick, you mutated! [mutation] 1,The milk of a planar [Animal.animalmammal] fortifies and sharpens. Increase constitution by [Dice.1d2] 1,You just downed the antidote. Pick another player’s character—they just got poisoned 1,Let the feast begin! You sit at the table and eat the rotten food until you can’t eat another bite. Your stomach only accepts rotting, preferably human, flesh from now on
 * wine

1,A feline head sprouts from your neck. It detects lies told in its presence without error 1,Your bones become as heavy as iron. Your movement speed is 10 slower and you sink when in water instead of floating 1,You feel normal, but now you have a bomb heart. If you reach 0 hitpoints, you will detonate, dealing 3d6 damage to everything around you 1,You secrete a sticky substance in your sweat, making it easier to cling to things, and harder to let go of things you hold
 * mutation

2,You’re transported to Louisville, Kentucky, spring, 1952. See if the other players want to follow you and make the DM do the rest of the campaign there 2,Passing through the arch changes your alignment to its opposite. If you’re neutral, you are now two identical characters, one devoted to Law, one to Chaos 2,You travel through the mists and into the future. You’ll appear again, emerging from mist some place and some time in the future 1,You stumble upon a dead adventurer—yourself, but aged several years. The face looks terrified. The body has a magic item, chainmail armor, and a broken weapon. [Interesting Magic Items.main]
 * arch

1,Turns out it was a deed! [deed] 1,It reads: “Whomsoever delivereth this missive to the greate Prince Holbier shall be provided their hart’s trve desyre” and below that is a bunch of squiggles you can’t understand 1,A scroll of blinding! A powerful magic rune scribed in dark red ink burns the reader’s eyes to powder, before it fades away forever. Quite a potent weapon you’ve found! Oh, wait 1,A rare spell of “Flesh to Mud” usable even by non-magic users
 * scroll

1,A deed to a quaint seaside cottage 1,A deed to a mansion rumored to be haunted 1,A deed to a ruined castle on the edge of the frontier 1,A deed to an old silver mine that hasn’t been worked since the dwarves had that problem a few decades ago
 * deed

1,You catch a glimpse of a primal storm dragon, sailing through the tempest, joyous howls booming like thunder. Two random stats increase by 1 1,[Found in a crate.main]—this gift from the clouds lands in front of you 1,Lightning strikes (not once, but twice!) [lightning] 1,Rain soaks you to the bone. You develop a persistent chill that gives you -1 to physical checks due to your involuntary shudders
 * storm

1,You’re struck by a blazing blue bolt and surge with divine power! Strength increases by 2 1,You’re electrified! You can cause a point of damage to living things just by touching them with your bare hand. You will die if you step into a body of water puddle-size or larger 1,The lightning bolt forks in front of your eyes, blinding you momentarily. When you open them, there’s a jagged bolt of lighting imbedded in the ground in front of you, the size of a javelin 1,You’re paralyzed for [Dice.1d100] years. Statistically, you’re more likely to be struck by lightning seven or eight times than you are winning the lottery even once
 * lightning

1,The lion stays dead, don’t worry. You now have a slightly used arrow! 1,Removing the arrow restores Simba, son of the Lion Lord, to life. He vows that no lion shall ever threaten you. 1,The lion wasn’t quite dead! By removing the arrow, you earn his gratitude and become a mouse through the power of fable. All your stuff shrinks too, so you’re just a mouse adventurer now. 1,When you touch the arrow, you get a vision of a grim far future where there’s only war. If you shoot the arrow at someone, they will be sent there.
 * arrow

1,You’re pulled into the mirror and into a different adventure with [Elf-folk.main] and [Elf-folk.main] 1,You drift slowly towards the mirror until you pass through it. Gazing back out, you see someone else has just escaped this prison! Roll stats for a new character, occupation is wizard apprentice, has a wand of stinking cloud ([Dice.1d12] charges) 1,Your reflection is wearing [ClothingMale.main]. Now you notice you’re wearing the same thing 1,You see a skeleton gazing back, but instead of a spine, there’s some sort of large centipede-like creature. Have fun with that knowledge
 * mirror

1,He smells your blood and grinds your bones to make his bread 1,”Oh shit, I overslept,” he bellows as he rushes away. “Thanks for waking me!” He gives you a giant iron coin with a harpy on the front. You could use it as a shield 1,He yawns, his bad breath pouring over you, before rolling over to reveal a crushed knight and horse. You can salvage a finely made 2-handed sword with [Fantasy Names.main] inscribed on the blade 1,Upon waking, the giant cries “No!” and immediately shrinks away into nothingness. He leaves behind a large sack. [sack]
 * giant

1, dwarf is in the sack, and he’s quite hungry. Roll him up, a dwarf cartographer, who has one leather boot 1,A barrel of [Utility.Drinks] is in the sack 1,The sack contains [Trade Goods.TradeGoodsPreciousItems] 1,The sack contains a massive [Utility.Melon]
 * sack

1,Someone’s carved “[Demon Name.Main] is the TRUE NAME” in the stone behind the waterfall 1,A small grotto behind the waterfall holds a modest shrine to [List of gods.real]. On top of the shrine you find 1,A large humanoid skeleton is chained with a chain heavy enough to anchor a ship to the stone wall in a cave behind the waterfall. Also chained to the wall are the bodies of what appear to be [Trade Goods.TradeGoodsAnimals], one of which still lives 1,The unholy water washes off your ability to be blessed or protected from chaos
 * waterfall

1,What a night! You wake up naked and with a strange tattoo in [Color.all] ink: [Utility.Symbols] 1,You’re hungover for the rest of the adventure. -2 to all mental checks 1,The strong brew scrambles the neural pathways in your brain. Reroll your intelligence 1,Bring me another! In awe, the tavern patrons shower you with coins as you chug mug after mug. The bartender lets you carve your name into the bar, where it joins an elite few. You make [Dice.1d100] copper
 * drink

1,It’s made all the difference! Luck increases by [Dice.1d6] 1,You’ll regret this until the day you die. Which is today 1,In the hollow of a tree you find 1,You clearly march to the beat of your own drum. In fact, you find a dwarf-skin drum by the roadside
 * road

1,You overhear the secret of wearing light. Now even the loosest fitting garments irritate your skin. Unless you’re naked, you get a -1 to all actions 1,You learn a shocking secret about one of the other player’s characters. Make it up, but think big—cannibalism, incest, etc 1,You hear a rumor! [rumor] 1,You overhear a hilarious joke! You laugh for several minutes, and suspect anyone you tell the joke to will laugh as well, if they haven’t already heard it. It’s actually not that funny, on reflection
 * heard

1,A great mathematician, [Fantasy Names.main], left a thousand locked vaults in a mountain to the South, each numbered and each containing some great treasure if one can only find one of the matching thousand keys scattered all over the world 1,[Pirate Names.main] placed a red buoy out in the sea to mark where he buried his life’s treasure 1,Vanessa the Wicked kidnaps babies and uses them as servants until the day they turn 15, when she drowns them in a wooden tub 1,A manticore has a compulsion to count piles of objects, as long as the objects match the color of its eyes
 * rumor

1,You’re pulled under the pink water by carnivorous water sprites with very sharp teeth 1,Your masterful breaststroke impresses Amy, the Queen of Rainbows, who observes you from her underwater castle. If you swear fealty, she’ll allow you to travel from rainbow to rainbow 1,From underneath a large smooth stone at the bottom of the lake you uncover 1,Your dreams end up being washed off into the lake. In order to dream at all, you’ll need to take a spoonful of water from the Lake of Dreams before bed. Every night you don’t dream, you do not heal naturally
 * lake

1,Sensing the source of their unearthly beauty must come from inside, you burrow into a giant snowman. You were right, and you are never leaving this joyous place 1,Amid the sticks and common items shoved into their bodies, you spy something useful. [HaftedWeapons.main] 1,You gather dozens of frozen carrots, committing horrible art vandalism but ensuring your future nutrition 1,Approaching too closely, your body heat begins to melt the gorgeous snow sculptures, distorting them into horrible monstrous forms. Someone is going to be very, very angry with you
 * snowmen

1,In Winterkill they scrap the wrecks of what we build in Summersex. You learn some wisdom; gain [Dice.1d4] points 1,When you fuck you mock a killing bird. That’s kind of dark. You’re afraid of sex now, and members of the opposite (or same) gender 1,Running your fingers over the faded inscription, you realize it was a hidden trigger as a small compartment in the stone opens. Inside is ring [Jewelry.Predicate] 1,Must not all things, at the last, be swallowed up in death? Sobering thoughts shift your alignment towards Chaos
 * epitaph

1,Bad news—you discover it’s beetles. Hundreds of beetles. You’re terrified of beetles from now on 1,Their clicks and whirs only you can hear, apparently, since no one believes you. There are objections when you pull a blade out to prove it. Child murder is frowned upon here and you are quickly tried and executed 1,It turns out the children of the village are clever automatons, not living children. When you explain this to them, most reject your theory as preposterous, but one thoughtful boy accompanies you on your adventures. Roll his stats, occupation is robot boy and he carries a gold star 1,You discover that the noises are ordinary bodily noises, and your hearing has just become super sensitive. You gain a +2 bonus on listening checks
 * noises

1,Your last-minute offering of an old, worthless boot is a big hit with the kittens. They let you take a scratched up steel helmet they’d been playing with before 1,[List of gods.Hindu], lord of cats, graciously accepts your body as a hone to sharpen the claws of his fearless warrior cats 1,Honoured, a large gray cat places collar at your feet. Putting it on, you discover you can communicate with cats now, but dogs will go berserk and viciously attack you. The collar can’t be removed 1,You weren’t sure what to expect, but the chamber consists of a dozen cats milling about, eating half-heartedly from unadorned clay bowls, and napping. You pet a few and end up with fleas
 * cats

1,The chest holds nothing—some emergency must have happened already and someone less impetuous than you probably used whatever the chest held. From now on, though, you get violent if you aren’t the one opening the chests 1,A preserved head with rubies for eyes rests in the chest. Your body and mind are taken over by [Fantasy Names.main]. Reroll your mental stats, your new occupation is legendary hero, and you have a mission! [mission] 1,[Weapon.main] It’s safe to say this is probably magical 1,The chest holds a small pouch containing a dozen purple, alien-looking seeds
 * emergency

1,Never suffer a dwarf to live 1,Purge the taint of chaos from [Random fantasy world of origin.notable] [Random fantasy world of origin.landmark] far to the [Compass direction.8] 1,Seek the great sphinx [Demon Name.Main] and beg him to intercede on behalf of your people 1,Defeat through craft the guardians of the Temple of [List of gods.real], rumoured to be [Quick Guards.main-resolvedice]
 * mission

1,Not one, not two, but three separate spears impale you simultaneously. You’re dead, but hey, 3 spears for the others! 1,It dead ends in a cramped crawlspace with [Trade Goods.TradeGoodsFoodwArticle] occupying much of the area. Looks like someone was prepared! 1,The corpse of some foul beast blocks your way forward. You yank out one of its massive, dagger-sized canines and crawl back to the party. 1,You inhale long forgotten wizard trick powder that must have spilled here long ago. From now on, whenever you speak, you speak VERY LOUDLY.
 * passage

1,A chute opens beneath your feet and you plummet hundreds of meters to land in a pool of acid with spikes on the bottom and hungry acid-immune sharks. 1,A crown descends from a hidden opening in the ceiling and is lowered onto your head. [crown] 1,A magical current jolts your muscles. You can either lose one strength and gain one agility, or lose one agility and gain one strength. 1,A small opening opens in the wall, revealing
 * lever

1,The crown is made of gold and set with a dazzling [Utility.Jewels]. You feel like an ancient king! 1,The plain iron crown strips the flesh from your bones, leaving you an undead skeleton. If you ever remove the crown, you become a regular skeleton (i.e., inanimate bones). 1,Red lasers in the shape of a crown descend, burning a thin brand all around the circumference of your head. Your eyes become sharper, providing you a +1 bonus to missile attacks. 1,The ancient crown made of beaten copper, much too wide for your head, comes to rest on your shoulders. Large sized humanoids will react more favourably to you out of respect for tradition.
 * crown

1,Unsurprisingly, you’re never heard from again 1,Turns out this was all a big misunderstanding. The queen is so embarrassed, she gives you something her workers uncovered: 1,The queen ant wants in your pants! It’s not true love or anything, but not as bad as you might have expected. A lot of things seem less daunting now that you’ve endured this. Constitution increases by 2 1,A smarter ant determines that you aren’t edible, at which point all the other ants in the hive ignore you. You managed to make your way out and back to the party, but the dim tunnels affected your eyesight. You get a -1 on missile attacks from now on
 * hive

1,The mask melds into your face and you assume the fearsome visage of 1,The mask melds into your face and you realize you no longer cast a shadow. Well, you do, but you cast it on another plane, now. It’d be really weird just seeing a shadow with nothing casting it, walking around. Maybe something might investigate that shadow, sometime 1,The mask melds into your face, replacing your features with a flat, expressionless mask 1,The mask melds into you face, allowing you to detect secret passages like an elf
 * mask

1,The stuff is total garbage. You smoke it like he told you and just get a bad headache 1,Chewing a single leaf immediately causes a maddening itch underneath your skin. Distracted, you suffer a -1 on everything until your next adventure 1,Surprisingly, the flower does seem to have some curative properties. You have [Dice.onedfour] doses that act as a Cure Light Wounds when ingested 1,He said this is the strongest natural poison cure there is. Luckily you aren’t poisoned right now, but if you are in the future, you’ll have this remedy
 * herb

1,Couldn’t resist, huh? Sentient [Color.all] light that had been trapped in the glass bursts forth in a dazzling shower. Things of this color will treat you a bit kinder until you die 1,The sound of breaking glass you expected doesn’t occur; instead, your rock sails through the window as though nothing was there. Behind the illusory window, you discover [Trade Goods.TradeGoodsWeaponsAndArmor] 1,The shards of pretty glass spill out onto the floor, where they begin to change into the dismembered body parts of the window’s subject. With sickening guilt, you realize the person in the window was a victim of a Flesh to Glass spell. Let’s hope they weren’t anybody important.. 1,The glass shatters and you hear a voice cry “I’m free!” Standing before you is the subject depicted in the window. Roll stats for them
 * stainedglass

1,In retrospect, this trap was pretty obvious. Metal plates crush your hand into pulp. Lose 1 HP … and your hand. 1,Someone’s left a grenade down here! You find a [grenade] grenade! 1,Someone in the future, far away from here, is reaching into this same hole at this exact moment. You swap places with them. You’re now [Generic Sci Fi Character.main] 1,Someone shoved a damp, stained bag down here. Looking inside, you see what appears to be human eyeballs.
 * hole

1,tear gas 1,smoke 1,flash 1,cryogenic freeze
 * grenade

1,The creature springs to life, madly in love with you! It will follow you around and even die for you, as long as you treat it right 1,You get the same type of luck the creature had to end up dead and stuffed in this seedy bar. Bad luck—from now on, you get a -1 on all of your saving throws 1,The tavern erupts in cheers! It turns out you’re the 10,000th person to kiss that dirty old thing. The barkeep ushers you to the back room, where you’re shown your prize: [Gonzo post-apocalypse starting item list.main] 1,Kissing the ratty old thing, you accidentally knock it over. You notice one of its eyes is missing now, and you quickly pick it up from the floor. It appears to be a valuable [utility.notgems]
 * animalkiss

1,You watch the filthy wretch mutter “thanks” and stumble into the nearby tavern. Still, you were kind in an unkind world. Gain [Dice.1d4] Luck 1,The beggar was actually a time traveller, who upgrades your body with [Future Gear.CyborgParts] as a reward for your primitive demonstration of charity 1,A guard witnesses your illegal act and beats the shit out of you. “If you feed them, they keep coming back!” Take [Dice.1d4] damage 1,The man kisses you on the mouth in gratitude. Before you can react, he vanishes, but you realize you can now speak another language (of DM’s choice) perfectly
 * beggar

1,Your mind expands and you gain limited psionic abilities! You can [psionic]. Doing so permanently lowers your intelligence by 1 1,Strange gods answer your prayers. You can only speak in grunts and moans from now on 1,Apparently pleased with your devotion, your pockets bulge with silver coins. You gain [Dice.1d20] silver 1,A booming voice implores you to remember: “It’s not a horse, it’s a stack of painted coins”
 * pray

1,set something on fire with your mind 1,teleport 1,read someone’s thoughts 1,move an object with your mind
 * psionic

1,Far above the earth below, someone has carved “Phaedra loves Damian” into the tree. The carving must be very old if it was carved when this section of the tree was at a normal height 1,Looking to the north, you see that from this perspective, the hills, streams, and trees spell out a message. [message] 1,You find the source of a trickle of sap you noticed from the ground. A black-bladed dagger with a jeweled pommel is plunged halfway into the tree, hundreds of feet up. Sap is running down the tree from the wound 1,At the very top of the tree someone has placed an elaborate elven star made of gold. Its edges are razor sharp
 * tree

1,The terrain spells out “ is a liar” 1,The terrain spells out “Fear the [Color.all] light” 1,Someone has patiently shaped the landscape over the course of centuries to reveal a magic spell when viewed from this height. You age 10 years and can make a wish 1,The terrain spells out “Jump!”, plain as can be. Seeing this as a sign, you leap off the high tree. Congratulations, you found one of the secret entrances to the 7th floor of Heaven
 * message

1,You encounter the creature who lives under the bridge! [bridgecreature] 1,With a loud splash, you submerge into the filthy water. You struggle back to shore, but couldn’t help swallowing some of the foul liquid. Lose 1 point of constitution 1,Your fall is broken when you land awkwardly on a slow moving corpse. The soggy face is recognizable as the face of the king! But then who waved to the people from his balcony this morning? 1,You catch yourself on the edge, and notice someone has stowed a small lockbox in a concealed cubby in the underside of the bridge. Inside you find a glass eye and a bandana that smells like blood
 * bridge

1,A monstrous creature with thick arms immediately twists your limbs into impossible shapes and hangs you on a hook under the bridge as a decoration, where you join several others. At least now you know why they call it the Bridge of Pretzels 1,Some wretched men scatter and flee when they realize you aren’t dead. A stripped corpse next to a pile of items reveals their grisly occupation. You find some smelly leather armor and 1,Hanging from underneath the bridge by platinum chains is a youthful man wearing loose garments and a [Color.all] turban. Stating he doesn’t get many visitors, he tells you to speak aloud the word [Afghul Names.main] three times in a row if you’re ever in need of aid 1,A beautiful woman contorted into a pretzel shape floats on the water beneath the bridge. She seems at peace, but is hard to look at. Silently, she sticks out her tongue, upon which a seed the size of a walnut rests. When you take the seed, she mouths “thank you”, closes her eyes, and wilts away like a flower
 * bridgecreature

1,The old fortuneteller lies dead on the floor; nobody needs fortunes told anymore. You help yourself to his fortune ([Dice.1d100] gold) and a star chart that looks valuable, before slipping out the back of the tent 1,She tells you a fortune in exchange for half of your current wealth! “[fortune]” 1,Entering the wrong tent by mistake, you collide with Stretcho the Taffy Golem. His handler needs to pry the two of you apart with a large paddle, but you manage to swipe a chunk of super stick taffy in the confusion 1,A wizend old man with a ratty conical hat begins telling you facts about your life. He’s obviously describing a different person’s life at first, but gradually, you realize he’s actually describing you. You’ve become someone else entirely—reroll your stats, get a new occupation, and learn about where you’re from: [Random fantasy world of origin.main]
 * fortuneteller

1,Everything dies, that’s a fact. Maybe everything that dies someday comes back 1,Jack o’Diamonds is a hard card to play 1,A hard rain is gonna fall 1,The Night has a thousand eyes
 * fortune

1,Don’t be so eager, it’s kind of gross! Anyway, she wakes up and instinctively slaps you in the face, before coming around to her situation. Roll stats for a character, occupation is ancient princess, and she has two platinum rings, one set with a ruby, one set with a sapphire 1,Classic trick—the succubus drains a level from you, laughs, then turns into crimson smoke and drifts away. But since you’re level 0, you actually become level -1, which causes a glitch, taking you to level 256. You’re now the god of your occupation and [Randomthing], displacing whatever puny being occupied that position in the pantheon before 1,The maiden’s form melts into a puddle of wax, revealing something that was inside of her: [Interesting Magic Items.main] 1,You step back from your kiss and watch in amazement as the maiden becomes pregnant. Her body advances rapidly, until a baby emerges, bawling. The maiden opens her eyes to gaze on the baby, sighs, then passes on. The crying baby has your eyes
 * maidenkiss

1,Magic 1,Puppies 1,Love 1,Storms
 * Randomthing

1,The doors open and you see the familiar sight of your living room, as though you’re looking through your front door. Stepping through, you notice no sign of any elevator behind you. It looks like it took you where you really wanted to go—not everyone’s cracked up to be an adventurer! 1,”Going doooooown!” a voice cackles as the elevator plunges downward with terrifying velocity. Moments before you black out, the car suddenly stops and the door opens to reveal [Future Gear.TradeWares]. You can take what you want, then rejoin your party 1,You enter the elevator and the doors close behind you. You go up a level. Then the doors open again. (Gain a level) 1,You travel up for a minute, then the elevator stops and a satyr smoking a cigar forces himself into the cramped car with you. He blows smoke in your face, which paralyzes you, then he calmly plucks your left eyeball out with a wooden blade, before cauterizing the wound with his cigar. “Name’s Twelo the Mischief Maker. Look me up sometime,” he says as he steps off the elevator. Now you get to wear a cool eyepatch!
 * elevator

1,An ancient spell twists your bones and brain, forcing you down onto all fours, replacing your shouts of pain with growls and barks. You’re a doggy now 1,The grief of an ancient queen overwhelms you. A geas compels you to slay those descended from the line of [Ancient Greek Male Names.main]. You will recognize them when you see them 1,An unmoving figure in [Color.all] power armor and holding a fusion rifle looms before you. A woman touching the figure causes the armor to appear around her and the rifle to appear in her hands, revealing a withered skeleton where the armor once stood. A man touching the figure causes it to crumble to dust, which upon inhaling, swaps his physical and mental stats (Str becomes Int, etc) 1,Crawling through the dog-sized tunnel, you accidentally hit a hidden switch which opens a side passage. Inside, you find a dead body with a longsword, crocodile hide armor, and wearing
 * cynossema

1,The skeleton of stands up and takes a liking to you. It will accompany you from now on. 1,You swap shadows with one of the wretched creatures. You now cast the shadow of a skeletal [Animal.animalmammal]. 1,The spirit of the gentle herbivore that dwelled here seeps into you, demanding vengeance! You must attack carnivorous beasts on sight from now on. 1,A faint whimper causes you to look a little closer at the remains in this cage, and you discover a baby [Animal.animalmammal] pressed against the corpse of its mother!
 * undeadzoo

1,With a rough brush, the painter silently covers your face with white and black paint. You glance in a mirror and notice you now look like a mime. When you open your mouth to thank him, you find you cannot speak 1,To your chagrin, the whiskers the attractive lass painted on your face grow into real whiskers. They will grow back if cut off 1,A true artist, the painter transforms your face into that of. Through some tricksy magic, your face itself is changed now, even when you wash the paint off 1,Garish, poorly applied permanent warpaint amuses rather than intimidates. Any intelligent opponents get a +1 boost on their morale checks when you’re around
 * facepaint

1,A hollow has been cut into the pages of this journal. The hollow contains grenade! 1,The journal is filled with mostly mundane details about this hunter’s life. Still, he mentions his family often, and they might want to know what happened to him. They dwell in [Fantasy Town Names.main]. 1,The writing is in a complex cipher you can’t understand. A sage might be able to translate it, though. 1,The journal contains directions to a small cache a mile away, which contains a short bow and a dozen arrows with peculiar pink fletching and broad arrowheads.
 * journal

1,You learn the truth about [Arabesque Names.main] the Sorcerer (DM IOU) 1,Lucky you! You’re dared to make out with a sexy ghost! The experience lowers your constitution by 1, but increases your luck by [Dice.1d4] 1,Dared to strip naked and bring back [Arabesque Names.main] the Sorcerer’s slippers from his bedchamber, you accidentally wake him up. Unamused, he strips your flesh to use for a new turban 1,You’re forced to reveal a deep seated truth about yourself. A young female daemon in attendance has gained some leverage over you
 * truthordare

1,The scene ends badly, as you might imagine. 1,Turns out you’re quite good at this! The crowd loudly cheers your name as you effortlessly ram a razor sharp rapier down your throat and showboat around. Infuriated, the Sword Swallower storms off. Looks like you get to keep his rapier! 1,He tosses a sword to you, but you fail to catch it—instead, the blade collides with your chest and bends before harmlessly falling to the ground. The crowd roars in outrage and chases the Sword Swallower off. You help yourself to the 5d12 silver in tips he’d accumulated. 1,By swapping swords, you quickly discover his trick—his blade only exists in the ethereal plane! Smirking, you watch him struggle to swallow an actual blade before rushing off to find a doctor. You keep his weapon for yourself.
 * swordswallower

1,Nothing happens right now, but when you reach 0 hitpoints, watch out! [0hp] 1,Your luck gets polarized. The next 1d6 rolls you make, you make at +5. After that, your next 1d6 rolls are at -5. Only the DM knows the result of the 1d6 rolls 1,You swap places with someone from a different time and place. You can play the person who appears in your place, [American Census Names.main], who has a piece of equipment appropriate to their profession 1,Your skin hardens into scales, increasing your natural AC by 2 but making you look freakish
 * powerpotion

1,You regain max HP and burst into flame! Melee attacks against you cause the attacker 1d6 damage, flames die out in a turn 1,You regain max HP and turn into a rocky orange monster! Your armor is destroyed, but you have an AC of 17 and strength of 18, return to normal in one turn 1,You regain max HP and turn invisible! All attacks against you are at -4, return to normal in one turn 1,You now control as many proportional 1-hp clones of yourself as you had max HP; for instance, if you had 2 max HP, you now control 2 half-size clones with 1 HP each
 * 0hp

1,Inside is a beating human heart 1,Inside is a mechanical device that looks similar to a heart 1,An animated boxing glove that has been punching the side of the box pops out and bops you in the face! Stunned, you can’t resist as it ties itself onto your hand and bonds with you. You can do a 1d8 damage unarmed attack with the magic glove, but can’t hold anything else in that hand—climbing, etc. will be more difficult 1,A rabbit has been hopping around in the box. It gazes upon you with intelligent eyes and wears a collar with the word [Horse Names.main] engraved on a bronze tag
 * thumpbox

1,You won a cash prize! [Dice.1d20] shiny [cashprize] coins! 1,You spend all your coin on tickets and end up winning [Gonzo post-apocalypse starting item list.main]. In addition, you win [Gonzo post-apocalypse starting item list.main]. 1,You spend all your coin on tickets and don’t win jack. Better luck next time—increase your luck by 1. 1,You spend all your coin on tickets and end up winning a beautiful suit of blue chain mail, with a matching mace and shield.
 * raffle

1,copper 1,silver 1,gold 1,platinum
 * cashprize

1,[label]labelled [bt]
 * bottletype

3,an un 1,an accurately 1,a mis
 * label

1,canteen 1,flask 1,glass bottle shaped like 1,glass jar 1,jug 1,vial 1,wine bottle
 * bt