Mr.T Facts

1,Mr. T
 * t

1,[m].
 * main

1,[t] beat a wall at tennis. A wall 1,[t] doesn’t screw in lightbulbs. He holds it in place while the room spins around in fear 1,[t] invented orphans 1,[t] invented the I.Q. testing system so he could more accurately pity fools 1,[t] invented the X-Ray, the G-String, the R-Rating and Jay-Z after a late-night drunken bender briefly caused him to forget which letter he was 1,[t] is not actually black, but his thousands of gold chains create a gravity well so strong not even light can escape 1,[t] is so scary that his hair is actually afraid to grow. The only reason he has a mohawk is because it’s in his blind spot 1,[t] isn’t a doctor, but he did pity one at a Holiday Inn last night 1,[t] isn’t actually black. The sun is just afraid to shine on him 1,[t] once biked around North America, beating Lance Armstrong’s Tour de France time by 3 and a half hours. When questioned about this amazing feat his only comment was “France is for fools!” 1,[t] once murdered a man with his balls - that is why it is known as T-bagging 1,[t] toasts his bread with a flamethrower and pities any fool who uses a toaster 1,[t] was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us fools, who have to fight for it 1,[t] was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain 1,[t]’s need for gold chains caused the U.S. government to go off the gold standard. There just wasn’t enough gold to split between [t] and the treasury, and no fool denies [t] his bling 1,4 out of 5 doctors recommend not making [t] mad. The fifth one did it; he died 1,5 out of 5 doctors recommend not making [t] mad 1,don’t bother trying to run from [t], you’ll just die tired 1,each capsule of Viagra contains one drop of [t]’s sweat 1,gravity doesn’t exist. [t] just pities everything to stay down. Birds and planes are exempt because they are shaped like Ts 1,if you live to see dawn, it’s because [t] allows it 1,if you rearrange the letters in [t], he’ll break you 1,in [t]’s eyes you can be somebody or be somebody’s fool. Either way, he pities you 1,in August 2005 [t], Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris went shark fishing 845 miles east of Bermuda and 1,139 miles west of the Azores Islands. After finishing 10 kegs of Milwaukee’s Best and 2 barbecued tiger sharks, [t] asked Vin Diesel to pull his finger. At the exact moment that Vin Diesel pulled [t]’s finger Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked [t] in the stomach “for fun”. The resulting flatulence referred to by most as “Hurricane Katrina” has cost over $1.13 billion so far and almost destroyed New Orleans. To help alleviate his conscience, Chuck will provide free “Roundhouse Kick” seminars to the hurricane victims. As for [t], he will simply pity the fools 1,rocky III was a groundbreaking film. It took 135 special effects artists 13 months to make it seem like Rocky won the second fight to [t] 1,statistically speaking, you’re more likely to be pitied by [t], than you are to have feet 1,the last man who made eye contact with [t] was Ray Charles 1,the red markings on the classic A-Team van weren’t paint, but blood from a fool who messed with [t] 1,three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky, Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their hall of stone, Nine for the Mortal Men doomed to die, One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne, Twenty rings to make [t] look cool, Upon them inscribed, “I pity the fool.” 1,unbeknownst to the modern world, the Triforce actually exists. Unlike The Legend of Zelda, however, the Triforce’s pieces are named the Triforce of Vin Diesel, the Triforce of [t], and the Triforce of Chuck Norris, all held by Vin Diesel, [t], and Chuck Norris, respectively. If all the pieces of the Triforce come together, there will come a power the universe has never seen. The reason the Triforce hasn’t been united today lies in three simple facts: Chuck Norris thinks mohawks are gay, [t] thinks beards are gay, and that Vin Diesel thinks hair in general is gay 1,when [t] folds his arms, the U.S. Terror Alert Level is raised to gold 1,you can run, but you can’t hide. Because [t] is already there
 * m