Nic Cage Movie Elements

It has both the classic elements of a Nic Cage movie:

One:  [One]  Two:  [Two]  But you lack the key qualities of a true film icon. Namely:  [Qualities] 

1,It exists. 1,I'm told the actors were given FOOD! 1,All the dialogue is either whispered or screamed. 1,It's based on a children's board game.
 * One

1,Much like Sherlock Holmes, I am a high-society playboy who moonlights as a cyborg assassin. 1,It's basically a shot-for-shot recreation of my life! I AM the Human Hangover! 1,Everything in the movie is on fire! 1,you don't need to speak english to enjoy it! 1,A man fighting off a pack of rabid wolves with his bare hands... that's my life story!
 * Two

1,A shock of brown hair that zigs and zags across my ever-changing browline. Like polarized metal filings, at the cruel mercy of their mother magnet. All perched upon the face of a weathered possum king. And [ThatIs] 1,Nomadic eyebrows, that have long since traveled from their home. The forehead village they grew up in was a safe haven! When ADVENTURE came calling! And like the gladiators of yore, they rode across the crescent moon that is my hairline! And [ThatIs] 1,A sense of humor, dry and marble like a quality beefsteak. No A1 sauce required for this jester, for the tangy flavor rises from within. And [ThatIs] 1,A scent, musky and masculine, like that of a silverback gorilla in a form-fitting leather jacket. And [ThatIs] 1,The rugged, smoky features of a cunning cigar store Indian... and eyes that sparkle and pierce the hearts of women, both old and middle-aged alike. And [ThatIs] 1,The skin of a sundried gremlin, with the oaky tan and chaotic hairline of a puerto rican beetlejuice; and [ThatIs]
 * Qualities

1,THAT is why we leave a chair open at passover! 1,that... is the true meaning of Black History Month. 1,THAT... is the audacity of hope. 1,that, my friend, is the TRUE meaning of Christmas!
 * ThatIs