Modern Occult Spell

This is a really, really generic spell description useful for, say, a 4th edition Wizard attack or the preparations your occult investigators may discover. It's also good for an Unknown Armies minor ritual. If you want an authentic-sounding grimoire-style ritual, check out the Liber Damnatus tables.

Spellbook Instructions
[Occult Spell Name.spellname]

[ritual]

[Ahemahem] [notaboo] until you [gestureout] [sucker] or the intended [wishfx] [notwork].

1,[Specially] [gesturein] a [derfetish] made from [material] [bluepetery] into [style] fermented [Utility.PerfumeScents] in order to [chargestore] [mystickenergy] with [mystickenergy]. 1,First inscribe a(n) [Utility.GeometricSymbol] out of [Utility.BrightColors] chalk, then place a [derfetish] made from [material] in the center. Light [number] [Color.bright] candles, arranged evenly around it, chanting [Specially], give homage to [mystickenergy], and anoint your [derfetish] in [style] [Utility.PerfumeScents] [bluepetery] and add [Utility.PerfumeScents].
 * ritual

1,3 1,4 1,5 1,6 1,7 1,8 1,9
 * number

1,[Utility.wood] 1,[Utility.SemiPrecious Stones] 1,[Utility.HornIvory] 1,[Utility.Shells] 1,[Utility.StoneDecorative]
 * material

1,Respectfully 1,Whilst sky-clad, 1,Just 1,Simply 1,Repeatedly 1,Slowly 1,Swiftly 1,Without looking,
 * Specially

1,an extract of 2,a decoction of [Utility.PerfumeScents] and 1,a boiling pot of 1,a carefully-measured dose of 1,a flask, blessed by three holy men, full of 1,a totem soaked in 1,a golden bowl full of
 * style

1,align 1,inscribe 1,brew 1,caress 1,taunt 1,shake and flip 1,dance around 1,concentrate upon blending
 * gesturein

1,Scroll 1,Talisman or Amulet 1,Knife 1,Mirror 1,Crystal 1,Doll 1,Box 1,Likeness 1,Mask 1,Wand 1,Carving 1,Written description 1,Vial
 * derfetish

1,of Blood 1,of Knuckles 1,of Spinal Fluid 1,of Snake Venom 1,of Frog Poison 1,of Scorpion Stings 1,of Breath 1,of Maidenhead 1,of Morning Dew 1,of Fungus 1,of Glass 1,of Wood 1,of Stone 1,of Bones 1,of the Scarab
 * ofStuff

1,that you prepared earlier, 1,that you obtained from the intended victim, 1,(which you may purchase for a modest sum), then mix 1,(or the best substitute you can acquire), work 1,(the book detailing its preparation has been lost), 1,as your master has shown you, then dip it 1,as your mind imagines it sinking 1,which all the initiated already possess,
 * bluepetery

1,imbune 1,transfer 1,draw down 1,reinforce 1,weave 1,marry together 1,unleash 1,calle forth 1,bind 1,absorb
 * chargestore

1,your ka (Egyptian for "Soul") 1,sufficient qi (Chinese life force) 1,the proper chi (Feng Shui energies) 1,some glamalye (fairy glamour) 1,a little moonluck (good fortune or ill) 1,shakti (Hindu cosmic creative energy) 1,chaos itself (randomness) 1,enough dige (African spirit power) 1,a little gris-gris (African spirit power) 1,a touch of numena (part of a neoclassical godling's authority over nature) 1,the aetheric yaw 1,a glob of ectoplasm (the stuff ghosts are made out of) 1,hellfire 1,the green ray (energy from across the universe) 1,El (the presence of God) 1,your writhing kundalini (the serpent-energy inside us all) 1,a wave of orgone (the life force particle) 1,the odyllic flow (life energy) 1,the vril-ya (underground rays relied upon by evil blonde supermen) from the hollow world 1,prana (living breath of the universe) 1,the inherent phlogiston (the stuff fire is made from) 1,a dollop of blima (luck in liquid form) 1,a piece of barakah (luck in solid form) 1,the day's manna (cosmic energy) 1,the tellurian currents (geological energies)
 * mystickenergy

1,A warning: 1,Take care that you 1,But 1,However, 1,Use caution and 1,Speak only in Latin and 1,Speak only in Hebrew and
 * Ahemahem

1,do not speak to anyone unclean 1,do not eat of forbidden plants 1,do not partake of the flesh of unclean beasts 1,do not go abroad in daylight 1,do not loan or borrow money 1,do not kiss your lover 1,do not touch a woman 1,do not touch a man 1,do not make eye contact with anyone else
 * notaboo

1,point at 1,make eye contact with 1,kiss 1,caress 1,dance around 1,speak the name of 1,burn a picture of 1,swallow a hair or toenail clipping of
 * gestureout

1,the magic's target 1,yourself at the appointed time 1,your chosen victim 1,your enemy 1,your enemy's effigy 1,your enemy's house 1,your beloved's house 1,your beloved 1,your mirror image
 * sucker

1,aura of invisibility 1,rainmaking 1,healthy birth 1,good fortune 1,love affair 1,theft of youth 1,erasure from reality 1,aura of fear 1,vision of the future 1,animal magnetism 1,ball of all-consuming fire 1,animal transformation 1,resurrection of the dead 1,twisted simulacrum 1,link between two minds 1,proxy creation 1,portal to another place 1,bodily levitation
 * wishfx

1,will rebound upon you threefold 1,will dischage randomly right there and then 1,will just fizzle out pathetically 1,will blast you backward like an explosion 1,will fill you with mind-searing agony 1,might, as often happens, get irretrievably stuck in the nearest unowned object 1,just might stop your heart 1,will knock you out cold for at least an hour 1,might invert your soul 1,will make a very loud noise... and that's about all 1,shall instantly summon something nasty to gobble you up 1,may burn down your house
 * notwork

Similar Generators

 * Liber Damnatus

Subtables

 * Specially(ways of doing something)
 * chargestore (ways energy can go into things)
 * mystickenergy(and accompanying description)
 * ofStuff (gross things to fool around with)
 * derfetish(thing given significance in magical act)
 * bluepetery (filler for objects you don't want to or don't have to explain)
 * gesturein (a way to act with magical significance)
 * gestureout (a way to aim a spell at a target)
 * notaboo (an act you have to avoid while doing magic)
 * wishfx (what the spell is supposed to do)
 * notwork (what happens when the spell goes wrong)